I told a small fib at the end of my last post when I said we didn’t know we were walking into surgery Round 2. Well, it was a half-truth. Marley struggled on vacation. I was not sure if this was “the end” and her last “hoorah” OR if the cancer had grown that aggressively at her FHO site and she was going to need amputation. I am a realist whereas my husband is an idealist. We make a great team. And I told him that either this was the end or we were going to need to amputate. I prepped him for our June 6th appointment.
In defense of the cancer, we knew it was never gone. Margins on the FHO surgical site were not clean so we knew the cancer was still there. So I wasn’t surprised at all when I saw the X-ray on June 6th that presented a sizeable tumor regrowth at her FHO site. Disappointed. Sure. Sad for her. Absolutely. Worried about my imploding bank accounts. Uh, yeah, no doubt. But we knew she was in pain and the X-ray confirmed why. When we first went down this whole road with Marley in April, Russ was against amputation 100%. I understood why. It is a radical surgery. Having done rescue for a number of years, our rescue had taken in multiple dogs that we had to do amputations on. I saw the success that dogs had after amputation and how they thrive afterwards getting rid of a useless limb. But it is different falling in love with a three-legged dog that you want to adopt then to turn your baby of 11 years into a three-legged dog. That’s a tough pill to swallow. And then the “what-if” fears start to creep in:
What if she has complications and gets pancreatitis/pneumonia again?
What if she does not adjust well?
What if she dies in surgery?
What if this doesn’t take away her pain?
What if…what if….what if….
The conversation that put us on the same page revolved around one fact and one what-if only. Fact: If we didn’t do amputation, Marley was going to continue in pain despite the pain meds until we couldn’t stand to watch her in pain anymore. Whereas, if we do amputation…”what-if” the amputation gives us one more week, month, three months of pain-free time with her?
See, not all what-ifs are bad!
The choice was simple. Marley wasn’t ready to die. We agreed that we saw it in her eyes that she was still here fighting. So “what-if” we stop stressing about everything else and we follow her lead. Stop thinking like a human and start listening to our dog. “Mom and Dad. This hurts. Like really bad.” ~Marley
Don’t worry, girl, we got you.
And she still has her boy to live for. She reminds us everyday.
4 comments so far
3:59 pm - 6-24-2017
Oh, sweet Marley.
This sounds all too familiar, especially the questions and the unknowns. I came to the same conclusion you did: not amputating leaves a pretty predictable future of pain and inevitably euthanasia far sooner than we can bear to think about, whereas amputation opens the door to a pain-free life ahead. We just don’t know how long that life will be, but chances are great it’ll be longer and more quality than doing nothing at all.
Thank you for sharing, and good vibes are coming your way!
XOXO,
Rae & Skyla
6:27 pm - 6-24-2017
Oh boy can we relate to being against amputation. Both of us weren’t sure that our Jerry could handle life on three legs, we had never even seen a Tripawd before! Marley’s diagnosis sucked for sure, but how fortunate to have a parent who had been around these amazing 3-legger. You gave her a fighting chance and that’s all any animal wants from their humans. 3-paws up to you!
Thanks for sharing all the details. It’s so helpful for others going through this.
7:16 pm - 6-24-2017
Like everyone has said, such familiar emotions and thoughts! But we all reached the same conclusion you did – you have your precious dog looking at you and obviously not finished with this life yet, so you have to go for it! While the unknown is scary, the only “known” option left, which is saying goodbye, just isn’t right, so onward – together!!!!
Tracy & Zatoichi
8:21 pm - 6-26-2017
I have said the same thing to many agonizing with the decision; for such a complicated set of dynamics, the choice is simple. Leaving them in pain for any extended length of time is not a choice. My Alexei was so happy to be out of pain, back with his pack and enjoying the little things like a compressed rawhide once again. Seeing that makes it all worth while… God bless